Thanks for sharing your experience!

You sound very much like Jim Newman and his “non duality” lectures, where he says exactly what you are saying: there is only what “seems” to be happening, everything is spaciousness, there is no self…

If you really need to find meaning, there is meaning. The simple answer is: you cannot BE everything and EXPERIENCE being everything at the same time. We are the “experience” part, and God is the “be” part. Don’t try to “just be”, that’s God’s “job”, or quality. You are the “experience” part. You’re meant to feel, see, do,… And you can try to get closer to God by catching a glimpse of what it can “be” to “be” everything at the same time, but you’re not meant to dwell in it. That experience is, on the contrary, meant to help you accept what is “happening”. Going down the road of Jim Newman and the “non existence of self” gets you into absurd situations where you take your non existent self to the non existent toilet, to relieve the non existent bladder, to give you the non-existent good feeling of not needing to pee… It’s ridiculous. The realization that there is no self is a great opportunity to free yourself from whom you thought you were (molded by a past which no longer exists) and choose who you want to be. Choose to redefine yourself. That is also what meditation and introspection is all about: find out who you really want to be, because ultimately, you are a bundle of energy/information/vibration which resonates at a certain frequency, and if you know how you vibrate, you know what will resonate with you.

If you want more answers, you can read my article, which I wrote specifically in reaction to this:

https://medium.com/@marma.developer/my-spiritual-journey-24-back-to-the-real-world-5f80e6fb24d8